I need to learn to dive before I decide to jump off the high board.

...yeah.

That's all.

I'm starting to get really, really sick of -for lack of a better phrase- being careful about things And I know many would agree that someone with my lack of grace and luck should be as careful as possible but that's only when it comes to things like walking and playing Russian Roulette. It's the other things though that I'm particularly sick of being "careful" about. I think what I'm trying to say without sounding like a stereotypical teenage douche bag is that I don't fucking care anymore. And by that I mean I don't care about what people are telling me I should care about; what they (whoever they are) think I should care about means nothing to me. Of course you can jump to relatively accurate conclusions and safely assume I'm talking about school, but to be honest I'm talking about so much more. To give you (whoever you are) a general idea of what I'm talking about, I've posted this self-incriminating list titled Things I Don't Care About These Days:

1. School

2. My own "healthy" eating habits

3. Gas prices

4. The Middle East

5. Other people's religions

6. My socks matching

7. Fixing the world

8. Where I see myself in ten years

9. Repressed things from my childhood

10. Consistently showing some sort of consideration for other people

And now that I've managed to make myself look like a huge asshole, I actually feel a lot better. I know these are things I "should" care about (yes, even socks matching should be of concern to me) but I just can't lately. Instead I've come to find myself on this unfamiliar level of "interpersonal" and I'm caring about things I've never really cared for. 

I suppose when you use "interpersonal" and "caring" in the same sentence it sort of implies caring for people, huh? Well, as true as that might be it's not the entire thing but I would be lying if I said it didn't touch some sort of base with what I'm talking about. 

I keep losing my train of thought so I'm going to leave that right where it's at, but wrap it all up into one statement:

I've realized there is more to care about than fixing the world and making some sort of impression on the world. At this point in time I feel as though it would be more rewarding to change a few people's lives, or even just one person's life, for the better. On one side of the scale I have the chance to improve the world and it's well being and on the other, much more appealing side of the scale I have the chance to make just one or two people's lives better or easier or happier. I choose the latter. I choose the latter because the other option,well,  I just don't fucking care about the other option. As far as I'm concerned, it becomes less and less of an option every day while the other option becomes more and more of a need and a genuine desire every hour of every day. 

[Exeunt Juliet.]

Have you ever considered the fact that a latte costs more than a tank of gas right now?

                I’ve never really been one to consciously notice opportunity costs, but lately I find myself obsessed with it. If I don’t buy that latte I’ve got a couple extra bucks for a few extra miles of gas. If I do buy that latte though I should stay home or ask a friend to drive, just in case, you know? It’s an annoying obsession because I’ve never been one for money or math and the two together are just bad news.

                Along with opportunity costs, I’ve been singing a lot more than usual. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were possible to have an out of body experience at any given moment of the day? I would listen to myself sing and decide, for myself, if I can sing or not. Sometimes I really wish I were still some sort of performer. I don’t want the attention, or the acknowledgment, I think I just need some alternative form of stress relief.