I met the Devil once.

She's gorgeous; absolutely breath taking and any one who meets her falls in love with her right away. She's irresistible and charming and impossible to forget. Her face is the kind of beautiful that haunts you in your nightmares but the second you wake up, you're already wishing for sleep again. She's the kind that you kill yourself for- you'll stop whatever you should do for what she does. You'll do what she wants you to without her even having to ask. 

You won't realize what you're doing until its too late.

I worry.

I worry. 

I worry.

One day, I won't have to worry.

I hope.

I hope.

I hope.

One day, I won't have to hope.

My mind is where no mind should go when thinking about another person. It's not fair for either of us and I feel evil evil evil.

Lines of life, lines of love.

I got my palm read yesterday.

Before I tell you what the woman said, I want to point out that she did not touch my hands at all. It felt weird and part of me thinks she should have at least tried to touch them. But anyway, here's what she had to say.

1. "...many past lives..." 

She told me that I had many past lives and that I do and have done a lot of good for people. Although I'm unsure how I feel about having past lives, I have to admit that it was nice to hear.

2. "...this person..."

Ah. "This person"; the one thing she kept going back to whenever she got the chance. She told me there was one person in my life that I cared for a lot more than I admit. She said that this person cares for me a lot more than I think and that since I'm not in a relationship with them already, I will be in the future. "About this relationship though," she told me, "it might seem strange and people might not like it at first, but it's going to be surrounded by love. It's going to be good for you both." Her voice did not tremble and her eyes did not blink. The certainty radiating from her side of the table had me holding my breath. Over the course of our conversation, she constantly reassured me that they really do care and that I don't have enough faith in myself. It was easy to listen to the first couple of times, but the more she said it the more anxious I seemed to be getting. I don't know what that means and I don't know if I like it.

Either way, she sounded so sure of herself. It was intimidating. 

3. "You're unlucky?"

The woman was surprised when she saw my reaction to the statement "You are a very fortunate and lucky person." I sort of laughed and said "riiiiiiight". She disagreed with my judgement and said "your luck is going to change."

I'll believe THAT when I see it.

4. "Are you worried about your career or school or something?"

I couldn't have lied about the answer to that if I tried. She pretty much told me that she could see a lot of doors opening in my future and that I shouldn't worry too much about my career and stuff now. The woman said not to worry about money because I would be financially stable in the future. She told me it would all be okay.

And thats that.

I mean, its not everything, but its enough for you to get the general idea.

I want to get my palm read again (but two more times is the scientific way to do things). I'm curious to see how much of what she told me shows up with the other people.

" ...because we all get tired, I mean eventually,

and there is nothing left to do but SLEEP."

-'No Lies, Just Love' Bright Eyes

I don't have the energy to write anything fancy. School has finally picked up again and I wouldn't have it any other way! It feels so nice to be learning and using my brain. I think I had forgotten how smart I was, in fact I still surprise myself sometimes when I'm doing homework. Unfortunately I am still the awkward girl who bites her nails and shakes her foot a little too much in class. I spend a good majority of the class day dreaming and doing something close to praying (hoping maybe?) I can sit through the class and go unnoticed. It hardly works; although I am shy and awkward I can't keep my mouth shut when there are shots of espresso sending me spinning into over drive.

No more coffee for Stephanie.

Anyway, the moral of the story is I am sleep deprived.

So sleep deprived that when I blink, my eyes are hesitant to open. I'm not complaining really, I just want you to imagine how weird it would feel to not want to open your eyes every time you blinked. It's strange to notice every blink my eyes make during the course of the day and, if you ask me, I blink entirely too much.

My eye lids are heavy.

I need to rest before tomorrow.

I want to have a productive day.
I want to have a purposeful day.
I want to have a good day.

"I just want someone to walk in front,
and I'll follow the leader."

I can’t get old because I don’t want my voice to sound old.

But anyway, days like today scare me. This is where routine picks up and the opportunity for spontaneity quickly diminishes in the abyss of obligation. I don’t like it.