don't read this.

My fingers are typing faster than I'm thinking. I type and type and type and end up with long paragraphs and run-on sentences about everything imagineable (but somehow nothing at all) and when my mind finally catches up with my fingers I delete everything I've typed.
Nothing I'm saying is good enough.
Nothing I'm saying belongs here; it's all misplaced.

But then I'm presented with the problem of where to put it. Where the fuck am I supposed to say things? And who the fuck is going to listen?

Sure, sure; everyone says "call me" and "tell me" and "I want to know these things" but the truth is these are the people who have no idea what they're talking about. You only think you want to know because you have no idea what I have to say. You don't know what I'm not saying, what I'm thinking, what I'm doing. You think you want to know, but I think I would rather you didn't.

And this is where I circle back around and say "why do I even bring this shit up then?"
I make absolutely no sense.
Nothing makes sense right now, actually.

There are things, in my mind, that say one thing and then jump ship and say the exact opposite this.

I want this, but I really don't.
I know this, but I really don't.
I'm going to do this, but I'm really not.
I like this, but I really don't.

It's really annoying. Most of the time I'm tempted to just wipe everything away and start all over again. I get the feeling if I did that, I wouldn't really "start all over" again.


Ugh.


Delete
Ctrl+Z
Delete
Ctrl+Z
Delete
Ctrl+Z