There is point of no return with some things; it's the point where no matter what you want to do, you're stuck doing what you've started doing.
I don't want to get there.
You can blame it on being a control-freak or delusioned or whatever you want, but what it all really comes down to is self-worth. Right now, I'm stuck dealing with something I let happen. Something I did, or do, or might do again. As much as I hate myself for it, and as much as I swore I never would, I did it. It's scary as hell. I'm ashamed. I'm terrified. But I'm hell-bent on not letting myself sink so low that it becomes acceptable.
It's not acceptable.
It's not acceptable.
It's not acceptable.
I'm a little nervous; this is something I feel like I should keep to myself and brave alone. I don't know that I can tell anyone, at least not right now. Maybe a couple people, but definitely not everyone. I really have no shame about other things I do (or don't do) but this- this is an entirely different thing. This is something I don't stand for. Something I don't want to be.
Monday, March 02, 2009
M. I. A.
Straight from the mind of stephanie. sometime around 10:54 PM
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3 Comments, Questions, and Concerns:
You know where I am and where my email is. If you need to "talk" to a stranger without prior knowledge or judgement please do so. Please don't be alone. Technology allows you to reach out and tell things to people they wouldn't tell their family or closest friends, like confession without the priest, or the bar-tender in a bar you will never visit again. I'm not perfect, and I won't pretend to be, I have done my share of behaving badly, but that is living. I have an ear.
you're human... http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hallucinations.png | http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/philosophy.png | http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dignified.png
This is the part where you pick up the phone and you call me.
The End.
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