This may or may not be the anti-depressants and alcohol talking, but I have a confession to make:

I can't feel anything.

I don't mean that in the "I'm so drunk you can slap my face and I won't feel it way". I mean it in the emotionally void and absent way.

I don't feel anything.

I am so envious of people who can suffer for longer than half an hour. Of people who are heart broken...or happy...or sad...or angry...or any of that because all I feel is complete indifference. I'm sure that's not even a feeling- indifference that is. It's not something people feel on a regular basis. In fact, some people never feel it at all. Most people know how they feel about any given situation at any given time, even if it's "only a feeling".

I yearn for "only a feeling".

I long for something that's "only a phase".

Instead, I'm left with indifference and polarization. I know how to send feelings and people and things flying into north and south; east and west. I don't know how to find some middle ground...or Earth, rather...where I can genuinely feel.

It's terrible here. I am a black hole of anti-emotion.

Someone help?