i have one of those headaches where everything is bright and loud and i can't remember what i did last night.

beneath the aching cloud hovering right over my eyes, i think i'm thinking about my life and exactly what it is at this exact moment in time. i feel incapable again, and with that feeling comes the other feelings. the ones i don't necessarily talk about. my mom said she'll talk to her doctor for me. i'm trying not to be hopeful: she likes to deceive. aside from that, i have my failing academic career. i have not been to class in over a week and as much as i want to go tomorrow, i'm afraid of not being able to. stress stress stress in a five minute recipe; just pop it in the microwave and watch it spin.

and then there's the rest of me. that 90% of Iceberg Stephanie that never sees the light of day. its itching for an unsinkable boat to come sailing by so its not the only thing hiding in the sea. the 10% of me that the sun does touch is really praying that boat never comes.

anyway, i'm positive none of that makes sense and i would re-read it but this headache is just not conducive to re-reading.

i hope nothing in there is too obvious. or too embarrassing. or too inappropriate.

i can honestly say i don't remember a word of what i just wrote.